As most moms of little ones will tell you, much of my day is filled with doing preventive and post-ventive intervention on my little girl’s behavior.  We do a lot of fun things each week, but the week is also filled with a lot of “mommy sighs.” I’m finding that disciplining is not as cut and dry as some people make it sound. It’s not as simple as giving a directive and then negatively or positively reinforcing a child’s behavior based on her response.  Instead, I’m finding that sometimes I need to spend time trying to figure out why Becca did not do what she was asked: Did she understand my request? Is there something (e.g. fear, frustration, etc.) causing her to fail to do what I’ve asked her? Or is just a simple case of disobedience?

Here’s an example: Friday morning, Becca and I played with blocks before I made breakfast (it was one of the mornings she woke up before 6). When Becca was finished playing with the blocks and it was time for me to make breakfast, I asked her to pick up the blocks before she went on to another activity. I immediately noticed some reluctance in Becca, so I sat next to her and made sure she understood what I was asking her to do and the consequence for disobeying Mommy. I stayed for a while and encouraged her as she slowly picked up her blocks, but then I had to start breakfast to get Josh out the door in time.

Shortly after I left I heard Becca dump out all the blocks she had already put in the bag and start throwing blocks. (If I were a cartoon character, my eyes would be bugging out of my head at this point in astonishment. . . . Becca had about 10 blocks left to put away before she dumped the bag, now there were 50 on the floor.) Becca saw me looking at her (maybe she saw my bugging eyes) and came running to me saying “hold me!” Then started our conversation (we have this similar conversation multiple times a day). Mommy: “Becca, you just dumped out all your blocks. Was that a good idea or a bad idea?” Becca: “Bad idea.” Mommy: “Why did you dump out all your blocks?” Becca: “I angry.” Mommy: “Yes, you were angry so you dumped out all your blocks and now you have to pick them up all over again.“At this point I don’t have time to have our talk about being angry (Mommy “Becca, what does it show Mommy when you’re angry?” It always surprises me when she now responds: Becca: ”Becca need Jesus.” ) – I really need to get breakfast finished, and I also need to finish this episode with Becca. Here’s where the “figuring out” comes into play. Becca disobeyed Mommy – the blocks are now all over the floor – so disobedience equals discipline, right? But I decide that maybe the trouble is that Becca has to put the blocks in a bag. Now she’s done it before with no problem, but maybe the early morning with a bag-filling task is frustrating Becca from doing good. So we “try again” – this time I get a bucket from Becca’s room and ask her to put her blocks in there, and immediately she picks up all her blocks, happily singing her clean up song. (While I’m in the kitchen wishing I had used the bucket all along.)

I recently read Give Them Grace (2011) by Fitzpatrick & Thompson. In one chapter they recommend evaluating whether it’s “sin or weakness and immaturity” before you discipline a child for disobedience (p. 102). I’m finding this to be true, especially with a two-year-old. So – if there are weeks that you read the blog and wonder where the fun weekly adventures are, we probably spent a good part of our days learning with Becca.

Tuesday afternoon, we had a quick visit with Dad and Mom Jensen. They had a short layover on their way home from Uruguay. It was nice to be able to see them both.

A Photo Story: Popping Popcorn with Daddy