Smiles celebrates her 8-month birthday today. She continues to be a bundle full of joy, giggles, smiles, and mischief. She is a wonderful distraction in the midst of language study! Anna Grace loves army crawling all over the place and is up on her knees quite a bit, though she is not actually crawling on her knees yet. She hasn’t started eating solids, but she loves sitting at the table with us during meals.

In our home we’ve celebrated the changing from autumn to winter. We might still be sweating, but we have “snow.” The kids were really excited to make snowflakes. (The man in the picture below is Yayyi’s husband. Our kids love to visit with Dta when he comes to pick up Yayyi.)

Thanksgiving Day we had a family birthday party for Becca. She made panda and lion cupcakes and we had her favorite meal for dinner: stir-fry pumpkin (so we actually ate pumpkin on Thanksgiving Day.

One of Becca’s gifts was five dolls I played with when I was her age. She was thrilled to get them.  (Saturday she made them all passports.) Becca didn’t want Isaiah to feel left out, so she made him a book. He was thrilled with it and listened intently as I read the story to them. He then wanted to read it to me several times. Becca’s last birthday treat was staying up as late as she wanted (she stayed up until we went to bed).

The Friday after Thanksgiving we gathered with our EMU team members to celebrate Thanksgiving. It was a full traditional meal, including turkey, dressing, potatoes, pumpkin pie, etc.

After we ate, we gathered for a Thanksgiving service including Scripture, singing, short homilies by each head of household, and thanksgiving to God from each person. It was a joy to be able to celebrate God’s goodness with our family in Cambodia.

Saturday we had some friends over for lunch. We met Mary on my first visit to Cambodia when we were all stuck in Shanghai together. Mary was on her way to visit her daughter’s (Elizabeth Trotter) family.  The Trotter’s blog was a great help in preparing us to transition to Cambodia. Elizabeth visited with me our first week in our home. It was good to see Mary again and to fellowship with their family. (Mary brought us an Advent book that I’m very excited about. Wasn’t sure how to get it here in time for this Advent season – thank you Mary!!)

Thanksgiving Day 5 years ago God blessed us with our first daughter, Rebecca Grace. Born at 27 weeks, weighing 2 lbs. 0.8 oz., Becca’s first few months were filled with lots of unknowns and blessed with many prayers of the saints for her life.

The first Sunday of this month Becca was baptized. It’s been a blessing for us to see the Spirit’s work in her life. We praise God for claiming her as His child. Becca was very excited about her baptism. She kept telling us it was the best day of her life. We gave her a cross to celebrate her baptism.  (The photo on the right is of Becca and our pastor.)

The first day of this month Becca got to start her birthday countdown calendar. Each day she opened a window and got to do something special: small gifts, swimming (several different days), special snacks, special games, and surprise outings such as Burger King, two nights in a hotel, a scavenger hunt, making cookies, and so on.

This year we’ve seen Becca grow in her leadership as she includes her siblings in playtimes. We love watching and listening to them play together … even Anna gets included when possible. One of the wonderful benefits of living overseas in our situation is that Becca’s main playmates are her siblings. We enjoyed seeing Becca and Isaiah grow closer together because of this. We’re praying that the Lord will continue to allow us to cultivate this gift.

We celebrated Becca’s birthday by having our entire EMU Cambodia team over on Becca’s birthday (Nov. 26th). The party  was a little overwhelming for Becca. Tonight we plan to have a family-only party.  (Our team is down from Ratanakiri to celebrate Thanksgiving.)

In Becca, God has given us a special, living reminder of how much we have to be grateful for.

Two Saturdays ago we took a family trip to the market. Josh usually goes alone, since it’s rather hard to manage the kids, especially with all the attention they attract. Our helper showed up unexpectedly that Saturday (said she missed us after her 3-day holiday). So Yayyi went with us to the market and ended up being a great help with Isaiah — and it allowed me to take some pictures.

I had Anna secure in a front carrier, but  Isaiah got carried off a few times. He was happy when some ladies sat him down and gave him fruit. (All the while I’m thinking my kid is going to get sick.) Overall Isaiah didn’t really enjoy the market: he disliked the mud (our feet got very muddy) and all the people reaching for him.

We were really proud of how well Becca did. She was very interested in what was going on and didn’t ask to leave. She even bought some hair clips.

We buy most of our food at the market – chicken, eggs, veggies, and fruit. We do however go to the local supermarket for a few things including popcorn kernels for our nightly 8:30 popcorn snack. 🙂

Maybe it’s Cambodia, maybe it’s a third child thing, but the months seems to fly by with Anna Grace. Can she really be 7 months already?! Our Smiles is a mover – she’s constantly on the go and is now up rocking on her hands and knees, getting ready to crawl.

Anna loves being with her siblings. This week all three of them have been playing together. We love watching this.

One of Anna’s new tricks is scrunching up her face and sniffing repeatedly. It’s adorable. Perhaps she’s trying to imitate a Khmer kiss.

We thank God for the gift of Anna Grace. For blessing us with a third child.  And we’re grateful for the excellent health and sweet spirit He’s given her. We pray that she will grow to know and love Jesus.

Josh and I were laughing at how different our three children look around this same age. We’re guessing the next one will look Asian, since we’re often asked if I’m Khmer or Asian.

Tuesday marked the beginning of our 5th month in Cambodia. Does it seem like a long time? Yes and no. Sometimes it feels like we’ve just arrived. Sometimes it feels like we’ve been here for a long time. Maybe this has something to do with our loss of time. While people in the States are enjoying fall, we’re still in summer. When we see pictures of people in long sleeves my first response is to wonder what’s wrong with them – why would you want to wear longs sleeves in the summer…oh, oops…it’s not summer over there.

People have told us that our family looks so happy – we look as though we belong. The truth is, though we’re not always smiling and on Cloud Nine, we are typically very happy and content because we do belong in Cambodia. Maybe it’s because we’re finally home. We’ve spent all our lives studying and preparing for this calling. When we finished our studies, we spent a year traveling for partnership development. Now we’re home. We’re finally where we’ve been preparing to be all these years – we’re in our home – in Cambodia.

One of my prayers for our family was that we would embrace Cambodia as our home. The Lord has blessed us in many ways with answering this request. My heart rejoiced the night Josh told me he felt Cambodia was home and that there really wasn’t another place he thought of as our home. We thank God for giving us this great gift.

Last Wednesday was Coronation Day in Cambodia. Since Cambodia is our home, I decided we’d better celebrate. We had our own coronation at home. Isaiah and Becca were crowned King and Queen of Cambodia. It was quite the exciting event. We even had a spoonful of ice cream after supper (and goldfish, and a piece of candy, and cookies and banana bread).

If you’ve ever wondered why most of our pictures are taken at home…we do get out, but it’s hard to watch three kids and take pictures. 🙂

Last Tuesday our neighborhood guard came to our door and asked me to move our car into our courtyard. So I did. Then a tent went up and the preparations began. It appears that our neighbors across the street were celebrating the end of rainy season which ends sometime in the next few week. On and off on Wednesday music played and monks chanted. They even had some traditional dancers. The funny part was the dancers came and danced before the guests arrived. In the evening the guests came and it was a calm dinner party that ended around 8:30 because of a downpour.

These particular neighbors appear to be well off. A few weeks ago they had over 30 young monks over and gave them all new rice buckets.

Please pray that we would find ways to interact with our neighbors. Unlike many neighbors, most people are our neighbor don’t come out of their houses that much. Nights are quiet, without a lot of people walking around. It’s been difficult to meet our neighbors. Please pray that God would open some doors for us. Pray that God would send a Khmer girl Becca’s age.

So far October has been “guest” month for us. At the beginning of the month a Jarai family flew in from NC to visit family in their home villages. Josh spent a few days picking up people from the airport and entertaining. On Saturday night we had the family and and some visitors from their home village over for dinner. Currently the Jarai family is planning to stay overnight with us when they return to Phnom Penh to fly back to the States.

JD Crowley was with us for a few days on his way to and from the States. The kids love Uncle JD and were very sad to see him go.

Uncle Brian stayed with us for a week while attending a conference on Bible translation. (Picture at top of page.) The kids were glad to have an extra after-dinner reader around.

Also attending this conference was a lady who is currently working on the Jarai alphabet. We had her family over for a Saturday lunch and enjoyed hearing about the Jarai believers.

Saturday was Anna Grace’s 6-month birthday. These pictures sum up her sweet, vibrant personality. This past month, Anna started rolling all over the place. I’m afraid one of these days she’s going to roll out the front door (yes, we always keep it open).

(The dress Anna is wearing was mine.)

Anna has now spent more of her life in Cambodia than the US. We continue to thank God for her smooth transition over here and pray that the Lord will protect her from mosquito borne diseases. We’re very grateful that our helper speaks Khmer with Anna everyday and hope Anna learns Khmer much faster than her parents. Thank you God for the gift of a second daughter – for answering our prayers and giving us exactly what we needed.

We are now into our fourth month of living in Cambodia. We thank the Lord for giving us a very smooth three months here and are looking forward to continuing this next month of learning Khmer. Last week Josh started his class at Gateway2Khmer. His class meets Monday through Friday from 8:30 to 12. He leaves our home a little before 8 and returns home around 12:45, just in time for us to say hello before I prepare for my tutoring sessions that go from 1:30-3:30.

We continue to thank God for providing us a wonderful helper. She’s been helping me get a lot of Khmer practice and is very patient in listen to me try to tell stories from our day in Khmer. She is always coming up with ways to make our life here better. Yesterday she organized all our plastic grocery bags because she said they were attracting mosquitoes.

Ever had one of those days when you experience mommy failure (or failure in whatever role you’re in)? Everyone seems cranky, everything seems to go wrong, I’m impatient with the kids multiple times, I brush my husband aside instead of showing him love by stopping my agenda to listen to what he has to say, and then I catch a glance in the mirror to see a scary person with frizzy hair and dark circles under her eyes with a hard set  mouth looking back at me, which puts me in a bad mood because now besides doing everything wrong I’m also ugly! Finally I get everyone down for their afternoon rest time and instead of using my time wisely to refresh my soul in Christ I go to my time- waster default…checking my email, facebook, or a blog. And what do you know…no other normal mommy seems to be having a day like me. They’re all posting cute pictures of their kids, or neat craft ideas, or the wonderful ideas they have to simplify life and be better mommys. Hello mommy failure!

At the same time, I know I can appear to be one of those “picture perfect” mommys. I post cute pictures of our kids, blog about our great life here in Cambodia, blah, blah, blah…and I’m a missionary wife. So for those of you who have ever been discouraged by comparing yourself to my life…let me say, I’m just a sinful girl who desperately needs Jesus to help me be a faithful wife and mommy, and missionary. I sin. I struggle with finding time do my devotions. I’m impatient with our children. I’m impatient with my husband. I struggle with pride and comparing myself to others. I want everyone to think I’m the best. If someone intimidates me I can tear them down in my mind. I manipulate. I struggle at showing love to people I don’t like. I struggle showing love to people who love me. I’m selfish. The list goes on…I sin multiple times a day.

So the next time you’re tempted to compare yourself to a missionary mommy or any cute facebook, blogging, whatever mommy, remember, we’re all in the same boat. We’re sinful women struggling to fight against sin as we fulfill the roles God has called us to.

Here’s a few pictures of some of the meals we eat in the evenings. It’s a variety of soups and stir-fry. For lunch we typically eat leftovers or sandwiches (egg salad, tuna fish, or fried egg.) On the weekends I cook either American or Khmer meals. (For breakfast we eat oatmeal every day except Sunday, when we have scrambled eggs – exactly the same as we did in America.)

 We usually enjoy the food. But, just like in America, sometimes the food is “not our favorite.”

Saturday we went to a 2500៛ Store($0.625). The kids enjoyed spending $0.625 each.

 Sometimes I forget that I look different…that I don’t blend in…that I’m not Cambodian. This is where we belong. But it hit me one day as we were driving to church. I was looking out the window at views that have become “normal” to us…then it hit me: I’m not Cambodian. No one looking in our window thinks we look “normal.” And we never will. We’re different. Our skin is light, our noses are pointier, we sound different…and WHOA we have three “different” looking little kids.

This is one thing that makes the body of Christ so refreshing. In Christ we are one – there is no Jew or Gentile: One Lord, one faith, one baptism. We have come to Cambodia to further His kingdom. The fact is that we are all strangers in this world, and we look forward to our heavenly home where we will stand with people from every tribe and nation free from distractions of differences but joined together in worshipping our Lord.

The picture above is of our friend Sherif. Sherif is an Arab man who left his country nine months ago because he became a follower of Christ. He has been told if he returns to his home town, he could be killed. Please pray with us that he will grow in Christ and that the Lord would provide for his needs as he starts to rebuild his life. Please pray for wisdom for Josh as he meets once a week with Sherif to study the Bible.

Happy 5-month birthday to our sweet little Anna Grace. Anna continues to be a delightful, very happy baby girl. She smiles, laughs, and loves to be held. She rolls over a little bit. I tried to get her hooked on the pacifier, but she has decided that she loves her thumb. (The lady in the next picture is my language tutor.)

Below are some sibling comparison pictures. Of course, because of Becca’s premature birth it’s hard to do an exact comparison.

We are so thankful for the gift God has given us in Anna. We thank Him for the good health He has given her in Cambodia and for giving her a sweet, easy-going personality, which has been a huge blessing during our transition over here. I’m delighted God has given me another daughter and I love watching our girls interact.

Happy 5-month birthday, Anna Grace. You’re growing up way too fast!

Those of you who receive our updates know that our main prayer request for last month was for the Lord to provide a part-time helper for our family. Let me share with you how the Lord has answered our request. We found a lady who was interested in being our helper. But the night before she was to start, I received a call saying that she would not be coming because he husband did not want her working for Christians. However that same evening the Lord provided two leads on other ladies looking for work. I figured it would be another week before we had a helper.

That next Tuesday morning my tutor brought her older sister to meet us. We were not expecting the visit but we agreed on a two-week trial starting the next day. Yayyi, “grandmother” (as we now call her) said she was too lazy to go home and wanted to stay and work: “nevermind about the money.” I was so flustered! I was about to start my 2-hour language class and was not prepared to have someone helping that morning. The first few days were hard for me. It was difficult for me to watch someone else clean my house. I kept wanting to get up and help.

Yayyi is the answer to our/your prayers for a helper for us. She’s a Christian lady who is in her 50’s. This is perfect for Josh, since it’s not awkward for her to be cleaning upstairs while he’s studying or for her to spend time correcting his pronunciation. (She likes to make sure we pronounce things correctly.)

Our helper is an excellent worker. She comes to our home 8-12 Monday -Friday. Actually she usually shows up around 7:30 or before. Her 17-year-old son goes to school near our home and she always rides with him. Yayyi is also a very good cook. She’s careful about washing all the vegetables from the market – always soaks them in salt water. She really wants  to know what we like and what we don’t like. She made it very clear that she doesn’t want us to pretend to like her food just to be polite!

Yayyi only speaks a little English so the added Khmer exposure has been good for all of us. I’ve had some very interesting conversations with her…with her little English and my little Khmer. Once she wanted to know why I don’t wear pink lipstick. I don’t have the skills or vocabulary to say, “it’s too hot to wear lipstick at home and I don’t even like how pink lipstick looks.” So instead I said literally “I don’t like pink lipstick. My husband doesn’t like pink lipstick.” Oh and I didn’t know how to say pink lipstick so I just used hand motions.  I’m looking forward to the day my language skills are at a point for me to have real conversations with Yayyi.

Yayyi is also very persistent in speaking Khmer to our kids and having them repeat words. We are grateful for the language exposure for our kids.

We thank God for sending Yayyi to us and pray she can be with our family during our two years in Phnom Phen. Thank you for praying with us.

If you look out the windows in our home, you will see two very different worlds, depending on which side of the house you are on. Our front windows overlook our neighbors who are quite wealthy. The husband works as one of the many advisers to the Prime Minister. They have several nice vehicles, a lovely courtyard with laminate wood floors and some fountains, several helpers, and are always dressed nicely. The are Buddhist and have monks visit their home on special days. They need Christ.

Our back windows overlook a very different world. Even middle-class Cambodians shake their heads when they see how these people live. The women gamble, the karaoke is loud – yesterday they blasted it at 5:26AM – and their street is often flooded with water. Sometimes when I’m putting the kids to bed I stand and watch their lives for a few moments. They need Christ. I’ll also add that the only way to see this neighborhood is from our windows….we have a wall behind our house that divides their neighborhood from ours.

Unfortunately, right now our language abilities are small. We can’t have heart-to-heart conversations, but we can live Christ out in how we interact with each other and with our children. We pray for opportunities to interact with our front neighbors and even though we’ll probably never interact with the people who live in back of us, we can pray for them. We are also working on language study so that some day we will be able to explain the Gospel and understand the questions and responses of others.

On one of our cultural days (we’ve proclaimed Saturdays as cultural days) we went to a park. Anna attracted a bit of attention, as you can see in the photos. The kids enjoyed the park. In fact, we all did…until Isaiah crawled through a pile of feces in the playground. Fortunately he didn’t have it all over him, but our time at the park ended shortly after that. It was one of those moments I have to remind myself this could easily happen in America, it’s not just a Cambodia thing.

We told Becca we would buy her a bike once we got to Cambodia. Two weeks ago we went to a bike shop and got Becca a nice solid Japanese bike. We were told that though Chinese bikes are really pretty (pink, etc), they break. We didn’t know what Becca would think of a non-pink bike, but the pink basket and the bell they installed made her day. Becca loves riding her bike in our courtyard and on our street : happy girl = happy mommy!

I need help. Pay attention folks…this is something I rarely admit. I don’t even like seeing it in print. I like to do things for myself, especially when it comes to taking care of my family and my home. But the truth is I can’t be a wife, mommy, cook, market shopper, house cleaner, nursing mommy, AND study Khmer.  Well maybe I could do it all, but it would require a lot of help from Josh. It would require Josh to give us his study time to watch the kids so I could clean floors (hard to do when kids are up), study, and live. He’s already giving up study time while I meet with my tutor.

Cooking in Cambodia hasn’t been so bad. Chop up some veggies and chicken, add some spices, and either put it in the crockpot or do it in a stir fry. Then cook some rice in the rice cooker, chop up some veggies or fruit and presto, dinner is served.  Enjoyable, but it takes time.

Market shopping: I have yet to shop for food in our market: there is no way for me to go with three kids and I haven’t learned to drive the moto yet (not sure where we would park our car if I took that). Josh has been going to the market to buy eggs, chicken, fruit, and veggies. We could buy all these things at our local supermarkets, but the prices are better in the market. Josh usually goes to the market twice a week and it’s great for language. (Admittedly, most men in Cambodia don’t do their family’s market-shopping. Last week one man yelled at him “where’s your wife to do the shopping.”)

Once Josh brings the food home from the market everything needs to be washed off.  Think about all the dirt that needs to be washed off when you pick veggies from a garden and then add washing off to be sure that drippings raw meat — which is being sold right next to the vegetable and fruit stands — and other animal byproducts are off your food. This takes a lot of time.

House cleaning: We can’t save all our laundry for laundry day because we hang it out to dry, so we do laundry every other day. Plus we’re using cloth diapers, and we usually wash those on the day we don’t wash clothes. So every day I’m doing laundry and hanging it. It takes time.

Let’s talk about floors (I’ll not even mention normal things like dishes, bathrooms, etc.). Phnom Penh is dusty and our concrete floors are almost always dusty. Add children’s dirty feet (they go in and out a lot), my hair, which always seems to be all over (drives me crazy — can’t believe I still have hair on my head!), and dead ants (we figure they must die looking for food…I’m always sweeping up little piles of tiny dead ants). The floors should be swept every day and it would be nice to have them mopped every other day (or every day). I can mop our first two floors in about an hour, so I’m guessing that it would take about two hours to sweep and mop all three floors. This takes LOTS of time! And when I’m done, my beautiful floors stay perfectly nice for ummmm…maybe 10 minutes. Then there’s the gecko gifts…hard to scrub off floors and walls.

Mommy and wife: Besides all that goes into feeding and cleaning I’m also a wife and mommy. Anna eats every three hours (she has started sleeping through the night most nights). Isaiah has recently decided he wants to use the potty. Becca and Isaiah both want to do school every morning, and there are lots of other fun things they want to do. Becca decided that she finally wants piano lessons. Showers are required every night (you should see the little pile of dirt that gathers near the drain after their shower!). Family life is one of my favorite things and I love it (well, not the messy diapers, crying, and discipline issues, but the rest) … And it takes time. Oh, and sorry, Josh…you want to spend some quality time with your wife and show me your sweet love… not the kind of time that means sitting next to each other on the couch while we study Khmer… YES! I love you … zzzzzzzzz. Sad to say it often happens that the most important human in my life — my husband — ends up getting my leftover energy.

AND then there’s learning Khmer. My tutor comes three days a week for two hours each day. Two weeks from now, when Josh’s schedule changes, she’ll start coming four times a week. So add hours of class plus study time (which I cram in after the kids go to bed and in little bits during the day)…it takes time, time, time, and needs to take more time.

That’s why I need help. I can’t do it all. I could try, but something or someone will suffer. We’ve been praying that the Lord would provide us a part-time helper: someone to do our market shopping, cleaning, and some cooking. Thank you to those who have been praying along with us. This week we met a lady who is going to start on Monday for a two-week trial period. She has been working in a factory and does not speak any English (which will be great for my language learning). Please pray with us that this lady would work for our family and that it would be something good for her as well.

Two side notes: Our bed was delivered Monday and it works! On Tuesday Josh drilled all the holes to hang the brackets to hold our curtain rods. The former occupants had never hung curtains so we had to buy and hang all the hardware. Drilling holes in concrete is extremely loud and can be frustrating. Thankful for all the hours Josh put into this project. Maybe we’ll have curtains by the end of the month!

Happy 4-month birthday to our sweet little Smiles (as we affectionately call her).  We all adore you. Thankful God gave you to our family.

Our home is the left half of this building. If you’re wishing you live here…make sure you read the last paragraph.

Twelve hours after our arrival in Cambodia, Josh and I were in Matt Hancock’s car, being guided by Jeremy Farmer to check out three different renal homes. Not wanting to spend too much time looking at houses, we quickly decided on a so-called “villa” style home. However the villa needed a bit of work, including painting and cleaning – the villa was pretty dirty. The landlord thought it could be ready in 10 days.

Our time in the CMA guesthouse ended on the 11^th but we were not able to move into our home until the 17^th. We spent the in-between days in the 9 Dragon Hotel. The staff was very kind to us – they ended up moving to twice to new rooms. They started us out in a small two-bed room – the two beds were actually touching each other.  The next day they moved us into a larger room, and two days after that they moved us into a room with three beds. The hotel had a pool, which was a great help in providing entertainment for the kids.

On Thursday we went to the villa and started cleaning. Our beds were delivered…they made our bed too short and brought the wrong sizes for the kids’ mattresses. We slept on our bed with the mattress perpendicular to the frame (with tubs under the end of the mattress to support it), and the kids slept on our air mattress (so glad we brought it).

We spent the next week cleaning, unpacking, fixing, and waiting for furniture. We’re still waiting for our bed – the second one they brought us was still too short. Josh did lots of house projects: scrubbing bathrooms, cleaning the front courtyard, and de-trashing and cleaning the back alley, replacing the kitchen faucet, and installing toilet paper holders, towel bars, and a shower curtain. Josh got to know the people at our little hardware store and got lots of practice on his moto. I’ll add that everything seems to take a long time here…nothing is a simple process.

The last thing we are waiting on is curtains. This is a long process: order brackets and poles for curtain rods, go to the market and buy fabric, pick up the brackets and rods, install the brackets (drilling concrete walls takes a while), and finally have the curtain made. So far we’ve ordered the hardware and bought the fabric. After we get our curtains we will be able to put the finishing touches on our home – pictures on the walls.

We’re very thankful for the home the Lord has provided our family. It is much bigger than we’re used to: three floors (the Khmer way to count the levels is ground, 1^st, and 2^nd), with 4 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms. We mainly use the first two floors: the ground floor has the kitchen, a bathroom, and a living area; the next floor has two bedrooms (one for the kids and one for us); the top level has two bedrooms, one we use for storage and the other for a guest room (currently it has a playground in it left by the previous renters until they can sell it).  The outside courtyard is a wonderful place for the kids to play without being supervised.

To help anyone suffering from a touch of envy at our home…I can so see myself reading this post and having a conversation like this with Josh at bedtime: “Did you see the Jensens’ house in Cambodia? Really suffering for the Lord over there, huh?” While we’re not suffering for the Lord, I’ll add that our home comes with drains in the bathrooms that make our bathrooms stink, cockroaches averaging the size of my thumb, lots of geckos who use our walls and floors as their litter box, and 10,000,000,000,000 ants – several different types and they are all over…everywhere – even in our beds! Hope that helps any root of envy that were starting to rise.

Next week I plan to write a blogpost titled Why I Need Help?