Ever had one of those days when you experience mommy failure (or failure in whatever role you’re in)? Everyone seems cranky, everything seems to go wrong, I’m impatient with the kids multiple times, I brush my husband aside instead of showing him love by stopping my agenda to listen to what he has to say, and then I catch a glance in the mirror to see a scary person with frizzy hair and dark circles under her eyes with a hard set  mouth looking back at me, which puts me in a bad mood because now besides doing everything wrong I’m also ugly! Finally I get everyone down for their afternoon rest time and instead of using my time wisely to refresh my soul in Christ I go to my time- waster default…checking my email, facebook, or a blog. And what do you know…no other normal mommy seems to be having a day like me. They’re all posting cute pictures of their kids, or neat craft ideas, or the wonderful ideas they have to simplify life and be better mommys. Hello mommy failure!

At the same time, I know I can appear to be one of those “picture perfect” mommys. I post cute pictures of our kids, blog about our great life here in Cambodia, blah, blah, blah…and I’m a missionary wife. So for those of you who have ever been discouraged by comparing yourself to my life…let me say, I’m just a sinful girl who desperately needs Jesus to help me be a faithful wife and mommy, and missionary. I sin. I struggle with finding time do my devotions. I’m impatient with our children. I’m impatient with my husband. I struggle with pride and comparing myself to others. I want everyone to think I’m the best. If someone intimidates me I can tear them down in my mind. I manipulate. I struggle at showing love to people I don’t like. I struggle showing love to people who love me. I’m selfish. The list goes on…I sin multiple times a day.

So the next time you’re tempted to compare yourself to a missionary mommy or any cute facebook, blogging, whatever mommy, remember, we’re all in the same boat. We’re sinful women struggling to fight against sin as we fulfill the roles God has called us to.

Here’s a few pictures of some of the meals we eat in the evenings. It’s a variety of soups and stir-fry. For lunch we typically eat leftovers or sandwiches (egg salad, tuna fish, or fried egg.) On the weekends I cook either American or Khmer meals. (For breakfast we eat oatmeal every day except Sunday, when we have scrambled eggs – exactly the same as we did in America.)

 We usually enjoy the food. But, just like in America, sometimes the food is “not our favorite.”

Saturday we went to a 2500៛ Store($0.625). The kids enjoyed spending $0.625 each.

 Sometimes I forget that I look different…that I don’t blend in…that I’m not Cambodian. This is where we belong. But it hit me one day as we were driving to church. I was looking out the window at views that have become “normal” to us…then it hit me: I’m not Cambodian. No one looking in our window thinks we look “normal.” And we never will. We’re different. Our skin is light, our noses are pointier, we sound different…and WHOA we have three “different” looking little kids.

This is one thing that makes the body of Christ so refreshing. In Christ we are one – there is no Jew or Gentile: One Lord, one faith, one baptism. We have come to Cambodia to further His kingdom. The fact is that we are all strangers in this world, and we look forward to our heavenly home where we will stand with people from every tribe and nation free from distractions of differences but joined together in worshipping our Lord.

The picture above is of our friend Sherif. Sherif is an Arab man who left his country nine months ago because he became a follower of Christ. He has been told if he returns to his home town, he could be killed. Please pray with us that he will grow in Christ and that the Lord would provide for his needs as he starts to rebuild his life. Please pray for wisdom for Josh as he meets once a week with Sherif to study the Bible.

Happy 5-month birthday to our sweet little Anna Grace. Anna continues to be a delightful, very happy baby girl. She smiles, laughs, and loves to be held. She rolls over a little bit. I tried to get her hooked on the pacifier, but she has decided that she loves her thumb. (The lady in the next picture is my language tutor.)

Below are some sibling comparison pictures. Of course, because of Becca’s premature birth it’s hard to do an exact comparison.

We are so thankful for the gift God has given us in Anna. We thank Him for the good health He has given her in Cambodia and for giving her a sweet, easy-going personality, which has been a huge blessing during our transition over here. I’m delighted God has given me another daughter and I love watching our girls interact.

Happy 5-month birthday, Anna Grace. You’re growing up way too fast!

Those of you who receive our updates know that our main prayer request for last month was for the Lord to provide a part-time helper for our family. Let me share with you how the Lord has answered our request. We found a lady who was interested in being our helper. But the night before she was to start, I received a call saying that she would not be coming because he husband did not want her working for Christians. However that same evening the Lord provided two leads on other ladies looking for work. I figured it would be another week before we had a helper.

That next Tuesday morning my tutor brought her older sister to meet us. We were not expecting the visit but we agreed on a two-week trial starting the next day. Yayyi, “grandmother” (as we now call her) said she was too lazy to go home and wanted to stay and work: “nevermind about the money.” I was so flustered! I was about to start my 2-hour language class and was not prepared to have someone helping that morning. The first few days were hard for me. It was difficult for me to watch someone else clean my house. I kept wanting to get up and help.

Yayyi is the answer to our/your prayers for a helper for us. She’s a Christian lady who is in her 50’s. This is perfect for Josh, since it’s not awkward for her to be cleaning upstairs while he’s studying or for her to spend time correcting his pronunciation. (She likes to make sure we pronounce things correctly.)

Our helper is an excellent worker. She comes to our home 8-12 Monday -Friday. Actually she usually shows up around 7:30 or before. Her 17-year-old son goes to school near our home and she always rides with him. Yayyi is also a very good cook. She’s careful about washing all the vegetables from the market – always soaks them in salt water. She really wants  to know what we like and what we don’t like. She made it very clear that she doesn’t want us to pretend to like her food just to be polite!

Yayyi only speaks a little English so the added Khmer exposure has been good for all of us. I’ve had some very interesting conversations with her…with her little English and my little Khmer. Once she wanted to know why I don’t wear pink lipstick. I don’t have the skills or vocabulary to say, “it’s too hot to wear lipstick at home and I don’t even like how pink lipstick looks.” So instead I said literally “I don’t like pink lipstick. My husband doesn’t like pink lipstick.” Oh and I didn’t know how to say pink lipstick so I just used hand motions.  I’m looking forward to the day my language skills are at a point for me to have real conversations with Yayyi.

Yayyi is also very persistent in speaking Khmer to our kids and having them repeat words. We are grateful for the language exposure for our kids.

We thank God for sending Yayyi to us and pray she can be with our family during our two years in Phnom Phen. Thank you for praying with us.

If you look out the windows in our home, you will see two very different worlds, depending on which side of the house you are on. Our front windows overlook our neighbors who are quite wealthy. The husband works as one of the many advisers to the Prime Minister. They have several nice vehicles, a lovely courtyard with laminate wood floors and some fountains, several helpers, and are always dressed nicely. The are Buddhist and have monks visit their home on special days. They need Christ.

Our back windows overlook a very different world. Even middle-class Cambodians shake their heads when they see how these people live. The women gamble, the karaoke is loud – yesterday they blasted it at 5:26AM – and their street is often flooded with water. Sometimes when I’m putting the kids to bed I stand and watch their lives for a few moments. They need Christ. I’ll also add that the only way to see this neighborhood is from our windows….we have a wall behind our house that divides their neighborhood from ours.

Unfortunately, right now our language abilities are small. We can’t have heart-to-heart conversations, but we can live Christ out in how we interact with each other and with our children. We pray for opportunities to interact with our front neighbors and even though we’ll probably never interact with the people who live in back of us, we can pray for them. We are also working on language study so that some day we will be able to explain the Gospel and understand the questions and responses of others.

On one of our cultural days (we’ve proclaimed Saturdays as cultural days) we went to a park. Anna attracted a bit of attention, as you can see in the photos. The kids enjoyed the park. In fact, we all did…until Isaiah crawled through a pile of feces in the playground. Fortunately he didn’t have it all over him, but our time at the park ended shortly after that. It was one of those moments I have to remind myself this could easily happen in America, it’s not just a Cambodia thing.

We told Becca we would buy her a bike once we got to Cambodia. Two weeks ago we went to a bike shop and got Becca a nice solid Japanese bike. We were told that though Chinese bikes are really pretty (pink, etc), they break. We didn’t know what Becca would think of a non-pink bike, but the pink basket and the bell they installed made her day. Becca loves riding her bike in our courtyard and on our street : happy girl = happy mommy!

I need help. Pay attention folks…this is something I rarely admit. I don’t even like seeing it in print. I like to do things for myself, especially when it comes to taking care of my family and my home. But the truth is I can’t be a wife, mommy, cook, market shopper, house cleaner, nursing mommy, AND study Khmer.  Well maybe I could do it all, but it would require a lot of help from Josh. It would require Josh to give us his study time to watch the kids so I could clean floors (hard to do when kids are up), study, and live. He’s already giving up study time while I meet with my tutor.

Cooking in Cambodia hasn’t been so bad. Chop up some veggies and chicken, add some spices, and either put it in the crockpot or do it in a stir fry. Then cook some rice in the rice cooker, chop up some veggies or fruit and presto, dinner is served.  Enjoyable, but it takes time.

Market shopping: I have yet to shop for food in our market: there is no way for me to go with three kids and I haven’t learned to drive the moto yet (not sure where we would park our car if I took that). Josh has been going to the market to buy eggs, chicken, fruit, and veggies. We could buy all these things at our local supermarkets, but the prices are better in the market. Josh usually goes to the market twice a week and it’s great for language. (Admittedly, most men in Cambodia don’t do their family’s market-shopping. Last week one man yelled at him “where’s your wife to do the shopping.”)

Once Josh brings the food home from the market everything needs to be washed off.  Think about all the dirt that needs to be washed off when you pick veggies from a garden and then add washing off to be sure that drippings raw meat — which is being sold right next to the vegetable and fruit stands — and other animal byproducts are off your food. This takes a lot of time.

House cleaning: We can’t save all our laundry for laundry day because we hang it out to dry, so we do laundry every other day. Plus we’re using cloth diapers, and we usually wash those on the day we don’t wash clothes. So every day I’m doing laundry and hanging it. It takes time.

Let’s talk about floors (I’ll not even mention normal things like dishes, bathrooms, etc.). Phnom Penh is dusty and our concrete floors are almost always dusty. Add children’s dirty feet (they go in and out a lot), my hair, which always seems to be all over (drives me crazy — can’t believe I still have hair on my head!), and dead ants (we figure they must die looking for food…I’m always sweeping up little piles of tiny dead ants). The floors should be swept every day and it would be nice to have them mopped every other day (or every day). I can mop our first two floors in about an hour, so I’m guessing that it would take about two hours to sweep and mop all three floors. This takes LOTS of time! And when I’m done, my beautiful floors stay perfectly nice for ummmm…maybe 10 minutes. Then there’s the gecko gifts…hard to scrub off floors and walls.

Mommy and wife: Besides all that goes into feeding and cleaning I’m also a wife and mommy. Anna eats every three hours (she has started sleeping through the night most nights). Isaiah has recently decided he wants to use the potty. Becca and Isaiah both want to do school every morning, and there are lots of other fun things they want to do. Becca decided that she finally wants piano lessons. Showers are required every night (you should see the little pile of dirt that gathers near the drain after their shower!). Family life is one of my favorite things and I love it (well, not the messy diapers, crying, and discipline issues, but the rest) … And it takes time. Oh, and sorry, Josh…you want to spend some quality time with your wife and show me your sweet love… not the kind of time that means sitting next to each other on the couch while we study Khmer… YES! I love you … zzzzzzzzz. Sad to say it often happens that the most important human in my life — my husband — ends up getting my leftover energy.

AND then there’s learning Khmer. My tutor comes three days a week for two hours each day. Two weeks from now, when Josh’s schedule changes, she’ll start coming four times a week. So add hours of class plus study time (which I cram in after the kids go to bed and in little bits during the day)…it takes time, time, time, and needs to take more time.

That’s why I need help. I can’t do it all. I could try, but something or someone will suffer. We’ve been praying that the Lord would provide us a part-time helper: someone to do our market shopping, cleaning, and some cooking. Thank you to those who have been praying along with us. This week we met a lady who is going to start on Monday for a two-week trial period. She has been working in a factory and does not speak any English (which will be great for my language learning). Please pray with us that this lady would work for our family and that it would be something good for her as well.

Two side notes: Our bed was delivered Monday and it works! On Tuesday Josh drilled all the holes to hang the brackets to hold our curtain rods. The former occupants had never hung curtains so we had to buy and hang all the hardware. Drilling holes in concrete is extremely loud and can be frustrating. Thankful for all the hours Josh put into this project. Maybe we’ll have curtains by the end of the month!

Happy 4-month birthday to our sweet little Smiles (as we affectionately call her).  We all adore you. Thankful God gave you to our family.

Our home is the left half of this building. If you’re wishing you live here…make sure you read the last paragraph.

Twelve hours after our arrival in Cambodia, Josh and I were in Matt Hancock’s car, being guided by Jeremy Farmer to check out three different renal homes. Not wanting to spend too much time looking at houses, we quickly decided on a so-called “villa” style home. However the villa needed a bit of work, including painting and cleaning – the villa was pretty dirty. The landlord thought it could be ready in 10 days.

Our time in the CMA guesthouse ended on the 11^th but we were not able to move into our home until the 17^th. We spent the in-between days in the 9 Dragon Hotel. The staff was very kind to us – they ended up moving to twice to new rooms. They started us out in a small two-bed room – the two beds were actually touching each other.  The next day they moved us into a larger room, and two days after that they moved us into a room with three beds. The hotel had a pool, which was a great help in providing entertainment for the kids.

On Thursday we went to the villa and started cleaning. Our beds were delivered…they made our bed too short and brought the wrong sizes for the kids’ mattresses. We slept on our bed with the mattress perpendicular to the frame (with tubs under the end of the mattress to support it), and the kids slept on our air mattress (so glad we brought it).

We spent the next week cleaning, unpacking, fixing, and waiting for furniture. We’re still waiting for our bed – the second one they brought us was still too short. Josh did lots of house projects: scrubbing bathrooms, cleaning the front courtyard, and de-trashing and cleaning the back alley, replacing the kitchen faucet, and installing toilet paper holders, towel bars, and a shower curtain. Josh got to know the people at our little hardware store and got lots of practice on his moto. I’ll add that everything seems to take a long time here…nothing is a simple process.

The last thing we are waiting on is curtains. This is a long process: order brackets and poles for curtain rods, go to the market and buy fabric, pick up the brackets and rods, install the brackets (drilling concrete walls takes a while), and finally have the curtain made. So far we’ve ordered the hardware and bought the fabric. After we get our curtains we will be able to put the finishing touches on our home – pictures on the walls.

We’re very thankful for the home the Lord has provided our family. It is much bigger than we’re used to: three floors (the Khmer way to count the levels is ground, 1^st, and 2^nd), with 4 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms. We mainly use the first two floors: the ground floor has the kitchen, a bathroom, and a living area; the next floor has two bedrooms (one for the kids and one for us); the top level has two bedrooms, one we use for storage and the other for a guest room (currently it has a playground in it left by the previous renters until they can sell it).  The outside courtyard is a wonderful place for the kids to play without being supervised.

To help anyone suffering from a touch of envy at our home…I can so see myself reading this post and having a conversation like this with Josh at bedtime: “Did you see the Jensens’ house in Cambodia? Really suffering for the Lord over there, huh?” While we’re not suffering for the Lord, I’ll add that our home comes with drains in the bathrooms that make our bathrooms stink, cockroaches averaging the size of my thumb, lots of geckos who use our walls and floors as their litter box, and 10,000,000,000,000 ants – several different types and they are all over…everywhere – even in our beds! Hope that helps any root of envy that were starting to rise.

Next week I plan to write a blogpost titled Why I Need Help?

The day we left for Cambodia I posted some specific prayer requests for our family. Thank you to all who have been praying for us since our departure. Now for an update on how the Lord worked through each request:

The Lord has given Josh good health, energy, and wisdom since our arrival to adjust very quickly to the time change and to make decisions concerning housing, car, and furniture. We decided on our housing shortly after arriving, but could not move in until July 17th. It took a little longer than expected to find a vehicle, but we are very pleased with the one God provided and look forward to getting it back from the shop (routine maintenance, which includes work on the steering column, radiator, gear box, ignition cylinder, etc.). Josh is getting lots of practice on his moto!

Our flights went really well. In Seattle they misplaced our double stroller and we had to board without it. Making the connecting flight was a bit crazy, but they did give us two wheelchairs to help with the kids and all our carry-ons. Becca and Isaiah slept during the 2nd and 3rd flights. Anna did well and only had a few crying spells. We had a bassinet for the first flight, but I ended up holding Anna on the other two flights. My milk supply did not suffer.

Becca loved flying! On the 2nd flight she watched Mary Poppins and then, after asking me to sing her goodnight songs, she snuggled up and went to sleep. Becca has made a very smooth transition to Cambodia. She continues to say she loves it here and the other day proclaimed “Cambodia was made for me!”

 Isaiah also did well on the flights. Both kids did well with the time change. The first night we all got to bed around 1am and slept until 7am. After that the kids had no trouble going to sleep at night and only had two 4:30 mornings (but the sleep Gestapo — aka Mommy — made them stay in bed until 6!). It was a pretty easy transition for them both. The mosquitoes haven’t been too bad here. We kill several every day but Isaiah hasn’t suffered too many bites.

Anna Grace has adjusted nicely to the heat of Cambodia. When we got here she went back to eating every three hours at night. Once we moved into our home she has begun sleeping longer during the night. God has blessed us with a very easy-going baby.

We’ve now been in our home for two weeks. We spent the first week cleaning, unpacking, and waiting for furniture to arrive (still waiting on our bed – they’ve delivered two so far, both too short for our mattress!). Josh spent lots of time repairing things and adding things like toilet paper holders, towel bars, and even a shower curtain in our bathroom. This week Josh started a language class and I’ve continued to get us all adjusted to our new home and think through our different routines and systems for living here. Sorry if you’re waiting for a response to an email – our days have been full of doing and we try to get to bed as soon as we can. I have lots to write about our trip, home, etc, but that will have to wait for another time.

We appreciate your prayers for us as we make Cambodia our home. Please pray that the Lord will continue to help us as we live here. Pray for wisdom regarding my language learning and Josh’s next step after this one-month class ends.

We celebrated my birthday on Tuesday instead of Sunday. . .things have been a bit crazy. Becca & Isaiah made my cake…never knew a box cake with store bought frosting could taste so good. For dinner Josh bought some chicken from a street vendor.

[Josh here. Amy’s sweet not to mention it, but the main thing I went out to buy was beef on a stick — like sissh kabobs. I bought four sticks, and grabbed a chicken thigh portion while I was at it, all grilled out by the road. The beef looked a little funny to me, but hey, this is Cambodia. When I got home and put it on the table, my doubts increased. When we bit into it, we realized I’d definitely made a mistake: this was not beef. After a visit to the meat department of a local supermarket today,, where I examined the different meats on offer, I’m pretty sure that what I bought was chicken gizzards on a stick. Maybe next time.]

We arrived safely in Cambodia, July 4th at 10PM. All our flights were good and the kids did well with all the traveling. In Seattle they misplaced our double stroller, which made the rest of our airport time in Seattle and Seoul a little tricky with three kids and 8 carry-on bags. In Seoul our gate was next to a playground.

We were greeted by the Hancock family and Jeremy Farmer. We stayed at a CMA guesthouse for our first week, then we had to move into a hotel untol our home is ready for us to move in. We spent our first week finding housing, buying a car, getting needed documents, and buying furniture. Our kids loved playing with the six Farmer children.  We’re thankful to Jeremy and Bonnie Ruth for all the did to help us during our first week in Cambodia.

The picture is of Anna and her cousin Jesse (about 2 weeks younger than Anna).

Here’s a few pictures from our last week in the States. Next week I hope to post pictures from our home in Cambodia.

Back when Josh suggested that we take a vacation in June, I thought it would be impossible. As much as I wanted to, going away the month before we headed for Cambodia seemed like a bad idea. But – Josh wasn’t kidding and we went. It was a wonderful time for our family to get away and take a break. Three different days we took a mile-long hike to a waterfall – Josh carried Isaiah on his back, I carried Anna in a front carrier, and Becca was a champ and walked the whole way!

We’re very thankful for the week God gave us together. It was a great way to relax before our journey to Cambodia.

Josh and I also had our anniversary dinner while we were away.

Josh’s parents were able to join us for a day. We enjoyed our time with them.

Isaiah sometimes enjoys holding Anna Grace. On this day, he wanted to read to her!

The night before we left SC, a friend did a great fireworks show for our family. This was very special for Becca who has been asking to see fireworks for over a year.

Today at 8:08AM our flight leaves Atlanta and we are starting the trip to our new home! We will arrive in Seattle around 10:37AM (1:37 EST), fly out of Seattle at 12:25PM (3:25PM EST) and arrive in Seoul at 3:35PM (2:35AM EST), and finally fly out of Seoul at 6:45PM (5:45AM EST) and arrive in Phnom Penh at 10:10PM (11:10AM EST – July 4th).

We appreciate your prayers for our three flights: 5 hours, 11 hours, and 5 hours. The kids are excited about flying and we’ve got lots of activities packed to keep them busy. Thank you to all who contributed to their flying backpacks!

Please pray for Josh as he leads our family over to Cambodia. Pray that he will have wisdom to make decisions as we choose a home and buy other appliances, etc. during our first week there. Pray that God will give Josh good health.

Pray for me as I entertain the kids on the flight and help them with the time change (+11 hours from Eastern Time). Pray that the Lord will give me energy and keep my milk supply steady for Anna.

Pray for Becca to enjoy all the flying and to have grace, as it will be a long, long day for her. Pray that Becca will be secure in our love for her as we make so many transitions. Please pray that she will learn to love Cambodia and have a desire to learn the language.

Pray for Isaiah to be content on the flight and enjoy all the different activities. Pray that the mosquitoes will not devour him (they love him in the States).

Pray for Anna Grace to enjoying sleeping on the plane. Pray that she can adjust her feeding schedule to the new time zone.

Thank you for your prayers! As we adjust to life in Cambodia, I’ll still be posting on the blog; however, the next few weeks will just be pictures from the past month. It will be a while before I work on the blog.

[Note from Josh: if you use the WhatsApp mobile texting app, you can add Amy to your contacts list using her cell number; you can add me to your contacts list using mine. Even though our numbers will be useless as of today, you can still text us via WhatsApp. If you don’t use WhatsApp, ignore this paragraph.]

Today we celebrate 6 years of marriage. Thursday we fly to Cambodia. We’ve spent the past 6 years preparing for this journey. We rejoice in God’s goodness to us these past 6 years: allowing us to finish our doctorates, blessing us with 3 children, providing our support for Cambodia in less than a year, among many other things.

I’m very thankful for the husband the Lord has given me. I am blessed to be call the wife of Josh Jensen. I’ll take a short moment to write one of the many things I value in my husband: I really appreciate how in marriage Josh has always been on my team. We’re a team at home, when out together in public, and when in the presence of others without each other. Josh doesn’t make fun of me in front of others or when I’m not around (I don’t have to worry about what kind of wife stories he’s telling at men’s meetings, because he doesn’t.). He always presents decisions as ours instead of his or hers. In all that he does he watches my back and is an excellent teammate. I life, secrets, little and large faults are all safe with him. This is one of the many things I value about my man.

Happy 6th wedding anniversary my man. Looking forward to many more years with you in Cambodia. Thanks for always being on our team!

Happy 11-week birthday, Anna Grace! Your last “birthday” in the States for several years. Next week we’ll celebrate by arriving in Cambodia.

Anna is now full of smiles and coos. She is a very social baby, especially when her tummy is full. I’m so thankful for the precious daughters God has given us.

We traveled through PA in late May and early June. While there we spent some time with my family. Isaiah was especially thrilled to spend more time with his grandpa.

While in PA, we took part of a day to enjoy Mr. Burd’s wood-heated pool. The water was great and we all had a great time.

It was good to be with my family before we left. We’re very thankful for their excitement about where God is leading us.

Till we meet again. . .