Happy 18-month birthday to Sai-Zai! Our little man is growing up in so many ways. Isaiah’s a little climber now. The other week I found him standing over Josh’s dinner plate with a knife in one hand and a fork in the other, ready to chow down. Actually, he was standing there waiting for Mommy to notice him. He’s quite the little tease.

Isaiah is bursting with words for: hot, hat, chair, cracker, snack, Mama, Dada, Baba (Becca), truck, car, grape, help (which comes out more like haaaa), bye-bye, pumpkin, ball, bath, potty, nose, eyes, sit, tree, pencil, color, chair, knock-knock, night-night, thank you, and hi, among some others.

Sai-Zai continues to be a very happy boy who loves living life. He loves copying his big sister and enjoys teasing her. We’re so thankful to have Isaiah as our little boy.

Happy Thanksgiving from the Jensen 5. This year we’re very thankful for the new little girl we get to meet in April. Becca is especially thankful for the little sister God is giving her after her many months praying. She nows reminds us to thank God for her little sister each time we pray.

This year we have many other things to thank God for: (to name a few) Josh’s successful completion of his Ph.D., our survey trip to Cambodia, our smooth move to SC, the many churches that have been open to hearing our ministry plans, safety as we’ve traveled thousands of miles for partnership development, health, Becca’s good health report (no more MRI’s), and much more. I am especially thankful for the husband God has blessed me with, and Becca, and Isaiah. My family is a precious gift from God. Happy Thanksgiving – next year in Cambodia!!

We are delighted to celebrate Becca’s 4th birthday. We continue to thank God for bringing her through her early birth and allowing her to be cancer-free. We’ve seen so much growth in our dear daughter over the past year. (I hope to write more on Becca’s growth this past year, but presently my schedule is tight – maybe next week.)

With traveling, we had Becca’s birthday meal and celebration a few days before her actual birthday. Her yearly panda cake is really important to her. So important that when Grammy S had a little party for Becca last week, Becca started crying that it couldn’t be her party because it wasn’t her panda cake. I quickly assured her that she could have multiple parties. And she did have multiple celebrations. The Rodriguez family brought Becca a cake and Grandma J came for a birthday breakfast.

Becca asked for a family party with chicken, rice, carrot soup for dinner. What she was really excited about was finding out the gender of our new baby (see video). I think this was the highlight of her gifts. She was so excited to find out she’s getting a baby sister. Becca has faithfully – very faithfully – prayed for a little sister since July 2012. Almost every time we pray she adds on a request for a little sister. I cannot express how thrilled she was to open the envelope and see that the heart was pink.

Yesterday Amy had the sono that showed the gender (yes, we’re having a new baby, due April 13). We didn’t tell Becca right away. Instead, Amy told her we would write it on a piece of paper and let her open the paper at her birthday party tonight: blue for boy, pink for girl. Here’s the video:

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(Her birthday isn’t till Nov 26, but we celebrated tonight since we leave tomorrow morning for week-and-a-half-long trip.)

Early this month we visited with James and Deb Flowers and their two children Annabelle (3) and Nathaniel (3 months). Deb and I met my junior year at BJ and have been friends since. It was neat to meet both kids and see Deb in her role as mommy. Becca had a good time playing with Annabelle.

While in Charleston we went to see the Angel Oak Tree.Both kids enjoyed walking around the huge tree. I was wishing we could climb it.

The weekend we were in Wilimington, NC, for a missions conference, a family from the church took us to an aquarium. The highlight of the aquarium was divers in the huge tank. They played with Becca for a long time, and she loved it. Isaiah was a bit nervous about the divers, but he was willing to stand back a ways and play peek-a-boo with them.

So far our partnership development travels have gone well. We have been in a different church every Sunday since the middle of August and will continue to have a full schedule until we take two weekends off for Christmas. We start back the first Sunday of January with a full schedule until spring. We continue to thank the Lord for His faithfulness and protection as we’ve traveled. Currently we have 67% of our needed support. Please pray with us that the Lord will provide all our support by the spring so we can head to Cambodia in the summer (June, July, or August).

We took a “quick” detour to show Becca and Isaiah the ocean when we were in Charleston. It’s hard to keep little ones out of the water, so it wasn’t as quick as we expected.

Isaiah wasn’t sure about the waves but enjoyed playing in the sand while Becca and Josh braved the waves.

The kids finished our visit by rolling in the dry sand in their soaked clothes, while I sat pondering how we were going to transition to the car.

Last week Becca had her 4th post-surgery MRI. We were thankful that Becca continues to be tumor free. We were also thrilled to find out that Becca will no longer need MRI’s. Her doctor plans to check on her every 3 months and do an ultrasound in 6 months. He said (as long as things remain clear) that when we leave for Cambodia, Becca will be officially finished with her post-tumor check-ups. We are so thankful that the Lord has chosen to work this way – thrilled that Becca does not have to go through any more MRI’s or bloodwork.

On a recent trip to PA, I was able to pull out some of my dolls and let Becca play with them. It was so fun to share them with our daughter. We rejoice for God’s protection in Becca’s life and look forward to what he has in store for her.

Last Saturday we went to a pumpkin farm near my parents’ house in PA. It was the perfect fall outing and we all loved it. (And it was a real deal – kids were free, adults were $5 – all activities included.) A big hit was the hay bale maze.

The kids enjoyed watching the tractor pull our hayride.

We were glad to keep our annual corn maze tradition. . . even though we weren’t in TX. Becca really enjoyed figuring out the maze for us.

The Corn Box was really cool. (I just found some leftover corn in my shoes!)

We spent some time playing in the pumpkin field. It was a great day to spend time with the family and enjoy the fall weather.

While traveling for Partnership Development, we’ve enjoyed spending time with family and friends, as well as making new friends. We have been blessed by the hospitality of many people and are so thankful for their kindness to us.

Last week we went to the National Children’s Museum. Both kids enjoyed spend time there – Isaiah loved driving a Tuk Tuk. We figured he’ll fit right in in Cambodia.

The week before we visited by brother’s girlfriend at Georgetown University. Both kids enjoyed running around the campus.

Miscarriage: what if it happens again? This question haunted me after I finished going through a two-and-a-half-month miscarriage. This question was something I felt I must settle before another pregnancy. If God allowed a second miscarriage how would I feel about Him? Would my faith be damaged? Would I become angry with God?

I felt like I’d had my token miscarriage. I’d joined many many other women in the world who have miscarried their little ones. But a second miscarriage . . . .

I watched David Powlison’s response to the question, How do I think rightly about recurrent miscarriages?, finding nothing he said to be new. These were all things I knew already. But would I choose to believe them? This is the battle I fought. If in the future God allowed a second miscarriage, or even multiple miscarriages, would I choose to believe or disbelieve?

For me, getting pregnant after a miscarriage has always been nerve-wracking. I feel like the possibility of another miscarriage steals the joy of knowing a new life is (or may be) growing inside me. With Isaiah’s pregnancy I always spoke tentatively to Josh about “the baby.” I delayed taking a pregnancy test – better to miscarry before knowing for sure I’m pregnant. You might read this and laugh at my silly fears; in that case you’ve probably never had a miscarriage. Miscarriage brings a whole new set of fears into future pregnancies.

God is in control of all things and desires good for His people, but that doesn’t mean the good is going to be easy or painless. He doesn’t promise that a year later or even decades later the good will be evident. We live in a sin-cursed world, with pain and sorrow and suffering. This is not what God intended when He originally created the world – sin has made life hard. But someday Christ will make all things new and heal all broken hearts. We have the hope that someday when we see Jesus we will understand, and that will be enough.

It happened. A second miscarriage. Even though Isaiah’s pregnancy had been picture perfect I was still very tentative about our fourth child. I used the words maybe and if  when referring to the baby due December 10th. The day I actually started feeling confident about the baby was the day my miscarriage started. The timing was terrible: Josh’s Ph.D graduation weekend, Mother’s Day weekend, and moving weekend.

What I am about to write next is not an expression of faithlessness in God. My purpose is not to talk about the faithfulness and goodness of God. It is not meant to produce pity in readers. It is not something I particularly wish to discuss with those who have not experienced a miscarriage. I do not want replies or comments. I am writing this for the woman who will have a miscarriage in the future. I am writing this for the woman who has already had miscarriages. You are not alone. The questions, struggles, and feelings you battle with are not wrong, they are normal.

Here are some of my thoughts during and after miscarriage: Why does God allow a life to begin growing and the joy to start, only to take it away? Why do I have to deal with dreadful physical pain on top of the emotional pain? Why does God allow women to have multiple births out of wedlock and I have miscarriages? Am I not a good mommy? Have I not been faithful with the two children I have? Is this because of sin? Haven’t we been through enough for a while with Becca’s premature birth, a first miscarriage, and then Becca’s tumor?

The months go by and life has been busy. I often forget. And then I’ll see a friend updating her belly pictures on fb and remember that should be me. I’ll read something about how many weeks someone is and then remember that’s about where I would have been. I see pregnant women and think that should be me. I’m not bitter or jealous – I rejoice with the gifts God is giving these mothers. But, it’s a sad reminder of something I’ve lost.

I recently heard a song writer talk about how people don’t share their struggles with others. We talk about things that happened years ago, but we don’t like to talk about our struggles when we’re in the midst of them. I know why I don’t. I don’t want to hear someone try to empathize with me when they really don’t know how I feel. I don’t want someone to quote me the verses that I already know when all I want to do is just talk without getting a reply. I want to be happy and strong and in control. But I’m not. I struggle. I cry. I get angry. The reason I’m recording these thoughts is so maybe they can encourage someone who is going through the same thing. You might look at me and think she’s got it all together and has such cute kids too. But know that I have struggled with miscarriage. I have and am asking God those questions. I fear a third miscarriage. I weep for you. You’re not alone. You share a bond with millions of women who have lost children through miscarriages. May God give you grace and peace to bear the loss He has chosen for you and to come forth as gold.

Since my mommy is a wee bit behind and forgetful this week, I’m taking over today’s blog post to give an update on our travels. So far we’ve been in three different homes and everyone thinks I’m adorable. Partnership Development is really easy when you’re cute and most everyone wants to make you smile.

This week we’re in the DC area, and Becca and I are delighted with the government shutdown. We’ve been saved from going to museums and monuments and instead get to go to parks . We did make it to the National Museum of the Marine Corps last Monday before the shutdown – the fishing was great. And Daddy even dressed up like a Union soldier, which is funny, because he’s from South Carolina. Well, I better crawl back in bed before I wake anyone else up – all is well and the food is good. ~Isaiah

Yesterday we headed out for a few weeks of traveling for deputation. During this trip we’ll be in NC, VA, & PA. We appreciate your prayers as we are traveling and the kids are facing a lot of “news.” Please also pray that the Lord would burden churches to partner with us in our ministry to Cambodia.

I usually ask her how many braids she wants each time I do her hair. Two weeks ago she asked for 20 braids. Becca sat very still for her braids and I’ve redone them once since the initial braiding. She’s had 20 braids for over 2 weeks and it’s going to be hard to convince her that she can’t have 20 braids all the time.

The other day we did an experiment with colors.

This week we move into our last home in the States (Lord willing!) before we head to Cambodia. We’ve been living in the Cleveland Park Bible Church parsonage. This week we’ve moved into their missionary cottage. We are so grateful for the housing they are providing us during our time of deputation.

With all the traveling we’ve been doing we try to take some small breaks while on the road. Sometimes we just climb rocks, take pictures, and run around rest areas.

Other times we stop and see some sights. Last month we visited Hershey’s Chocolate World. We rode Chocolate World’s free ride two times. Becca loved getting free chocolate at the end of the ride.

One thing I’m learning about deputation is that our family time has decreased. Gone are the weeks we spent at home with lots of time for playing and going to parks. Our schedules have become quite packed. Since starting deputation we’ve tried to be careful to reserve days when nothing else is scheduled except a “normal” day at home. I’ve found that our kids seem to love these days – mommy too! (Nothing like playing with a bucket of water!)

When we arrived home from our last trip, Becca declared she wanted to “do school” all day. For Becca “school” means packing a backpack (sometimes with a lunch), walking out the front door, and coming in the side door to “school.” Recently Becca has been interested in patterns, so we played with patterns as long as the interest kept up.

After lunch we took a field trip to the spray pad. So far we’ve found Spartanburg a great town to live in. We’re thankful for the good location we’re in. We visited the library the other day (5 mins down the road) and were delighted with how nice it is.

Our “school” day ended with rest time and observing a butterfly on our porch. After Becca got home Josh asked her what her mommy did all day while she was at school. Becca replied: “she relaxed – which means she sat on the couch and read books!”

[P.S. from Josh: if you’ve tried to add comments to posts, but they never show up, could you let us know? Just shoot us a quick email. We heard from one friend that this has been a problem. We’d like to know if more people have experienced this.]

Living on the East Coast has increased our time spent with extended family. We’ve been able to have Josh’s family over twice. Both evenings we included some water activities for the kids.

We’ve seen my parents as we’ve traveled up North for services. They are very kind in letting us stay overnight to break up our driving.

Last week we were able to visit with my brother Dan and his wife Isabelle in Saratoga, NY. Dan & Isabelle treated us to a resort brunch, a steamboat ride on Lake George, and dinner downtown.

A few weeks ago we were able to get together with the Hanson family. Johanna and I became friends in 2004 and had a good many adventures before they moved to Boston. I had not seen Jo since our wedding. It was good to catch up face to face with Jo and be with their family. I’m thankful for the special friends God gives us.

We continue to enjoy getting together with friends and catching up on the past few years.

With our now very full schedule, it was a bit tricky to have my normal birthday celebration. So we’ve spread it out – ending a week ago Thursday with a meal made by Josh. I share a birthday with Dad Jensen, so on our birthday we celebrated together at his home. He turned 60 this year.

Three days later we had Mr. Moose over for dinner and had my cake for dessert. Josh made a delicious Brown Derby.

Last week Josh asked if I wanted my Josh-made birthday meal on Thursday. We fed and played with the kiddos and then had our meal after they went to bed – it’s my favorite way to “go out to eat.” Great food, great atmosphere, and happy children! I am blessed to have a sweet husband who took time amidst our busyness to make me a lovely meal and spend the evening with me.

We enjoyed our 4th year of participating in Chick-Fil-A’s Cow Appreciation Day. Isaiah was the only one who needed a new outfit – he’s a growing boy!

This is the first year we were able to celebrate with some cousins. The Erkens boys did a great job with their cow outfits.

We were also able to celebrate this year again with our friends Rene, Yani, and Amaris. They moved from Texas to South Carolina last summer, so we’re enjoying having our friends close by again!

We enjoyed our first week-long family vacation. We are so thankful to George and Nancy Corban who make Canaan Land available to ministry families. The week turned out to be very wet. We spent most of our time in our cabin during many downpours. We had lots of fun in our cabin playing hide-n-go seek, flashlight hide-n-go seek, Uno, Old Maid, tag, chase, having picnics, and making smores.

Tuesday afternoon it cleared up long enough for the camp train ride. Both kids enjoyed it, though Isaiah was a little nervous during the ride.

Friday afternoon we hiked down to School House Falls. Gummy Bears were are encouragement to make it all the way to the falls!

Since our cabin was farther away from the main camp campus, we were given a golf cart to travel around. The kids enjoyed riding around campus. We also enjoyed boating and playing in Noah’s Ark playground.

Josh and I had our 5th anniversary meal while at Canaan. Josh made a delicious meal and we enjoyed a quiet evening together. We’re thankful for the time we were able to spend as a family after the very busy months we had before. I’m especially enjoyed having lots of family time without any other pressures.